Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

Why is fitness important?

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

What’s the weirdest phone call you have ever received?

I understand how hurricane paths work

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

What do you typically do while on meth?

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I am 11 years old and I think I am going through puberty. Why do my nipples hurt when I touch them? Is it normal?

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

Why is there so much hate against black people?

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

Does the pro-choice movement realise that all the money used to subside abortions can be used to subsidize daycare and other financial support for single mothers with unplanned pregnancies?

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

Totaka’s Song, one of Nintendo’s longest-running Easter eggs, found in Mario Kart World - Nintendo Everything

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I actually pay taxes

What do you think will be the biggest factor in determining whether Daniel Penny was justified in believing that Jordan Neely had posed a deadly threat in the manslaughter trial?

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I have complete contempt for fakery

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

Do straight guys like to see cocks?

I can read

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

Why do you allow your cat to lie in bed with you?

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I have a reading level above third grade

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

What is the hidden meaning behind 'Skibidi Ohio', and why is it trending?

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

Why do you write?

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

Why are Korean female leads so angry all the time?

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

Where's the Civil War everyone on the left said would happen?

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I can count

I don’t buy bullshit

How come I can't stay sober?

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I see through liars

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I don’t cotton to rapists

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t